20 Ways to Boost Your Confidence

After working with countless personal coaching clients, I have found that many people have the ability, talent, and skill to perform but may simply lack the confidence to move themselves forward. We can be completely confident in some areas of our lives but lack confidence in other, potentially key areas.

Here are 20 surefire ways to boost your confidence. If you can begin doing any number of these practical methods and action steps today, you will start seeing a boost in your confidence levels:


Model the confident mannerisms and behaviors of someone you regard as confident.




Smile a lot more.




Learn from the past; don’t beat yourself up about it.




Do something to show that you appreciate yourself.




Be prepared for situations and challenges.




Focus on your strengths.




Improve your weaknesses.




Learn how to say no or not now to people.




Be positive.




Be in charge of your thoughts at all times.




Challenge and question your own negative thinking.




Put what others say about you, good or bad, into perspective.




Change your vocabulary to more precisely describe your feelings.




At the end of each day list your achievements and successes throughout that day, no matter how seemingly small.




Be appreciative and thankful of what you have in your life right now.




Every morning when you’re preparing for your day, positively play over in your head the events in the day as though they have already happened.




Improve your body language.




Create motion by moving around more.




Give yourself enough credit.




Ask yourself if the present situation or challenge will matter in the next 10 weeks, 10 months, or 10 years.

L. Danyetta Najoli is the author of Unstoppable Confidence: Sustaining a Posture for Success. She is a personal coach and frequent guest on the radio talk show, Everyday Cincinnati airing on WAIF 88.3 FM. Visit her website at www.Danyetta.com

Calling all Social Entrepreneurs and Volunteers: Now is the Time for Service!

The Corporation for National and Community Service, a federal agency created in 1993, will reauthorize and expand its national service programs when President Obama signs a bill today. That's no small feat considering they already engage four million Americans in result-driven service each year, including 75,000 AmeriCorps members, 492,000 Senior Corps volunteers, 1.1 million Learn and Serve America students, and 2.2 million additional community volunteers mobilized and managed through the agency’s programs.

Let's face it, politians may not agree on many things but there is broad bipartisan support for this legislation. They are realizing that the desire to serve and redeem social issues crosses all demographics and party lines. According to the Corporation's acting CEO, Nicola Goren, “Americans are a deeply compassionate people and are ready to step forward to serve at this time of growing need. This bill will make it possible for a new generation of citizen service to rise to the challenges of our difficult times.”

Applications have tripled in AmeriCorps (think: PeaceCorps for the US), one of the Corporation's programs, last month alone. As an AmeriCorps Alumna, I'm especially thrilled to see President Obama sign this bill because it will translate into many opportunities for social entrepreneurs to create more programs within their communities.

To learn more about the Corporation for National and Community Service and Bill H.R. 1388, visit: http://www.americorps.gov/about/newsroom/releases_detail.asp?tbl_pr_id=1289

L. Danyetta Najoli is the author of Unstoppable Confidence: Sustaining a Posture for Success. She is a personal coach and frequent guest on the radio talk show, Everyday Cincinnati airing on WAIF 88.3 FM. Visit www.Danyetta.com

Get Your Free Download of a Jean Chatzky's Financial Book on Oprah.com on Friday March 13th Only!

On Friday, March 13, 2009, Jean Chatzky will offer her new financial book, The Difference, as a free download for 24 hours exclusively on Oprah.com. The book will be available for download from 11 a.m. ET Friday until 10:59 a.m. ET Saturday.

What can The Difference teach you?

~The top five things you can do to not just survive but thrive during tough times

~The eight things that make The Difference (i.e., the key traits and abilities of people who describe themselves as financially free)

~Advice for those having job insecurity as well as strategies for finding a job

~Why money doesn't breed happiness—but happiness can breed money

~The direct connection between The Difference and your health

~How people who know The Difference make a difference for others

~Myths and facts about the wealthy

Source and to get your free download, visit: http://www.oprah.com/article/money/personalfinance/pkgdifference/20090313-jean-book-difference

_____________________
L. Danyetta Najoli is the author of Unstoppable Confidence: Sustaining a Posture for Success. She is a personal coach, trainer, and frequent guest on the radio talk show, Everyday Cincinnati airing Wednesdays on WAIF 88.3 FM. Contact Danyetta at http://www.danyetta.com/.

Strategies for Handling Conflicts Between Work and Family

Are you feeling the pinch of the many competing demands of work and family? Are there some days when you reach surprisingly new lows?

While there is no panecea for completely eliminating such conflicts or distress, there are some strategies that offer help. Many women experience the greatest role conflict so they are the focus of this blog however, men can benefit from these strategies as well.


Reframing or redefining the situation in a way that identifies the positive elements.

This may include reminding yourself of what you already know, like the good reasons for choosing to have both a career and a family. A good way to assist with reframing is to recall times when you have successfully dealt with similiar challenges. Begin jotting down significant milestones to which you can refer back in key times.

Redefine family roles by redistributing basic household tasks to other family members or even deciding to stop doing some tasks. This can best be done through prioritizing tasks or decision-making. By changing the way you define family roles, you create a far less stressful climate and reduce the levels of conflict. You may have to make a list of all the household chores you and your partner does, go over it together eliminating whatever item you can reassign.

Shatter the stereotypes that are steeped in gender-specific roles. Men can clean toilets, help make dinner, and change a few diapers. Reduce or eliminate clutter, make simplier meals, and if possible, hire household help. Redefine traditional gender roles. Where is it wrtitten in stone that only women can stay home with a sick child? In households run by men, fathers are the ones to assume that role most of the time.

My guess is that deep in our attitudes, perceptions, and beliefs is written that only women can stay at home with a sick child. Many women find it difficult to relinquish such responsibilities, even when it causes major role conflict because nurturing is a major part of their image of themselves. Broadening our definintion of what nurturing is may assist in releasing particular activities we do with our children. Some women fear they may lose their special contribution to the child if the dad stays home. One of my coaching clients describes her husband's involvement in the care of their baby girl:

'I love seeing the closeness between him and the baby especially since I didn't grow up with my own father, but if he does well at balancing his work and his relationship with the baby, what do I have to uniquely contribute?'

Assess whether the current division of labor in your household exists for the right reasons. Is it because others in the home simply don't/won't do their share or because of your own resistance to your evolving role of how you contribute to the family?

You can be the best at time management but when faced with the often unpresidented, erratic and occasionally intense demands of family life, you can be greatly challenged. Revisiting some good time-management resources like a workshop, books, or a personal coach will help you stay on track.

What Doesn't Work?


I'm sure we can create a 'laundry list,' pun intended, of all the things that don't work based on our own experiences. Here are just a few.


Being a Perfectionist
Trying harder simply will not work. There's nothing like climbing the ladder of success only to find that your ladder is on the wrong wall. It's a good idea to step back from things to get a different perspective. This way, you can see how you might be able to release some of the unreasonable holds we have about our roles. Trying to do everything perfectly not only results in extreme personal strain and stress, but disappointment because nothing ever goes exactly the way we plan 100% of the time.

Clinging to Our Internal Belief of Gender Roles
This causes more rigidity of our attitudes and beliefs that certain people should do certain things. During a discussion I was having in one of my group sessions, we began talking about how we grew up and what were some of the roles the girls and boys had in home regarding chores. One person said that the girls did the dishes and the boys took out the trash. Period. Another said that she grew up with all brothers so everyone had to do everything. There were no gender-specific roles. In both examples, each person grew up with their own experiences as a backdrop to their lives which influences the way they raise their children. If there is no wiggle room to challenge these beliefs, conflict could occur. Someone once said, our perception of how we see the world, is just that- our perception.


Resisting Change
In the business world, the seven deadliest words to a thriving enterprise is, "We've never done it that way before." These words can sink a team or organization because people are resistant to the very change that could potentially catapult them into the future they desire. All we have to do is look around to see the only thing constant is change. Embrace change for the greater good of your family mission, even when it gets a little uncomfortable. You'll be surprised of what awaits.

L. Danyetta Najoli is the author of Unstoppable Confidence: Sustaining a Posture for Success. She is a personal coach and frequent guest on the radio talk show, Everyday Cincinnati airing on WAIF 88.3 FM. Visit www.Danyetta.com to send your topics and questions.

Six Ways to You Can Become a Great Team Member

Teams are everywhere. There are face-to-face teams that meet in-person, virtual teams who only meet on a teleconferencing line, and task force teams that met for a specific cause and then are disbanded once the goal has been achieved.

While this list can be best applied to a work team situation, you can also apply it to a sports team or a family group. Anywhere where people are grouped together for any length of time qualifies as a team here. So, enjoy these great ways you can do your share to pull your weight on a team:

Be mission-focused.
Allow the overall organizational mission drive your day to day actions on the team. Develop a personal mission statement of how you will behave as a team member.


Be professional.
Keep communication lines open (verbal, written, etc.) intra and inter shift. Ask for assistance of other team members when needed. Offer assistance in areas of strengths. Give and receive constructive feedback.


Contribute value in your own unique way.
Be of assistance in areas where you see gaps and where you can add value. Contribute and participate in meetings.


Be a solution seeker, not a source of problems.
Never present a problem without a method or suggestion for solving it. People will only remember you for the problems you solve and the problems you cause.


Build trust with your fellow team members.
Spend a little time getting to know your fellow team members. Ask clarifying questions before judgments/evaluations are made. Offer help. Make new people feel welcomed.


Have fun.
Embrace and appreciate diversity. Learn from others.

_____________________
L. Danyetta Najoli is the author of Unstoppable Confidence: Sustaining a Posture for Success. She is a personal coach, trainer, and frequent guest on the radio talk show, Everyday Cincinnati airing Wednesdays on WAIF 88.3 FM. Contact Danyetta at http://www.danyetta.com/.

How to Make a Giant Fall

Slaying giants are not designed to be an easy task but some people make it look effortless. The biblical story of David and Goliath has been read and told countless times and yet there is still a fresh approach to help us with modern-day giants.

Key points about the story:

David was given Saul's armour. He wore it out of respect but soon realized it didn't fit him properly.

David decided to use his own natural gifts and talents to slay the giant. He also killed a lion and a bear with his bear hands as a teenager.

Moral of the story: Do what you do naturally rather than trying to fit into someone else's reflection of you to please the other person or out of adoration.

What are your modern-day giants? Is it fear and anxiety? Is it low self-esteem or low self-confidence? Is it your finances - or lack thereof?


"If the problem is still chasing you, then you are the answer." Pastor Harvey Carey

Many times we try to escape our problems only to find the same patterns and problems cropping up again. The names have changed, to protect the innocent, but it's the same old problem or challenge we have yet to overcome. What would happen if we faced our giant and ran into it head first like David did with the lion he grabbed, slapped, and killed for taking one of his sheep!? We would be fearless. But that's not what usually happens, is it? Instead of facing the problems head on, we mask it with attitude, frustrations, anger, fear, etc.


Pastor Harvey Carey from in Michigan recently shared his story of how the armour given to him by those, who he highly respected and had gone on before him, did not fit him. As an African-American preacher who attended an predeominately black seminary in Texas, he was taught how to preach which included, but was not limited to, singing every statement followed by a vocal crescendo finale. Other lessons included when people say amen, don't repeat yourself five times and you close your message at least three times. He knew that this style of preaching was not necessarily his true style but reluctantly, he did it out of obedience and perhaps out of innate subculture pressure. Because this wasn't a natural fit for him, when he preached his very first sermon, people left by the droves, he commented humourously. To make matters more challenging, the seminary school had been dissolved before he could finish his program. So, he did the next logical thing: he attended a southern baptist seminary school which is predominately white.

A stark contrast.

At his new seminary, he was taught how to preach which included, but was not limited to, staying still in one spot and only leaning forward onto your tippy toes at hightened points of the sermon. In addition, he was to speak his words without singing them. Pastor Carey tried this style out of respect and obedience but soon found out that it, too, wasn't an exact fit either.

Like David, he decided to take off the armour that others had given him to fight the battle of winning souls, or better yet, use their armour simply as 'guides', so he could put on what was more comfortable for him. His personal style turned out to be a blend of both styles sprinkled with lots of humor and personal stories. Fast forward to today, after a major bout with sickness where the doctors had given him up to an mystery illness that he was healed through an 'unexplained occurrence" according to the medical world or miracle, as he likes to call it, he is the pastor of a large church in Michigan doing significant works to reduce the incidents of prostitution and drug dealing within local communities.

"Sometimes we remember what we should forget and we forget what we should remember. " Pastor Harvey Carey, Detroit Citadel

Checking God's Resume

Harvey Carey had to check God's resume concerning his life and decide on a course of action he would take. He had to flip the files back to times when God successfully delivered him out of other situations that seemed insurmountable.

Have you ever been in a position to interview someone for employment or to provide services? If you have, you know one of the first things you do is review their resume to discuss their background and work experience. You ask them questions about how their previous experience would relate to how well they felt they could do the prospective job. Then, as an evaluator, you determine if they would fit the current position. In a similar manner, we can check God's resume concerning our lives revealing the countless times he has brought us life success. It is true that the fact that you are here today, reading this blog, means you are successful. Life has not snuffed you out and there is a work for you to do.

While I am not a huge fan of routinely sending constant forwarding emails because of the potential for desensitization, I found a popular one about God's resume that I have shared below. My wish is that it brings you comfort and remembrance that He is still in control:


Cover Letter


To Whom It May Concern....



I heard you were considering a new manager in your life. I would like to apply for the job. I believe I am the most qualified candidate.


I created the heavens and the earth. I AM. I AM the only one that has ever done this job successfully. I was the first manager of human beings. In fact I made them, so naturally I know how humanity works, and what is best to get people back into proper working condition. It will be like having the manufacturer as your personal mechanic. If this is your first time considering Me, I would just like to point out that My salary has already been paid by the blood of Jesus on the cross of Calvary.


What I need from you is the acknowledgment that the price is sufficient to pay for all of your sin and your independence from Me. I need you to believe this in your heart and to tell somebody else about your decision with your mouth. The next thing I ask is the right to change and fix your life so you can learn how to stay close to Me. I will make some major changes and revisions. They are not for you to worry about. I need your permission to execute these changes, My way and in My time. I will change your desires and give you the strength to make the changes. Please keep your hands out of the way. Don't try to help Me and don't resist Me. I really do need your full commitment and cooperation. If you give Me those, the process can go smoothly, without delays. My resume is included below.


Yours Sincerely,


God


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~RESUME~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


NAME: GOD


ADDRESS: Everywhere (Omnipresent)


CITY/STATE/ZIP : All over, Every Place 00000


PHONE: (123) 456-PRAY


EXPERIENCE:
From the beginning of time. Before the beginning of time.
From everlasting to everlasting. I made time.


ABILITY:
All Powerful - (Omnipotent)


PRIOR EMPLOYMENT:
Created the universe, put the galaxies in place, formed man.
Established heaven and earth by My spoken Word and am currently holding up the world by My power.


EDUCATION AND TRAINING:
I AM and I have all knowledge. (Omniscient)


CHARACTER REFERENCE:
Love, light, and life (1 John 4:16, 1 John 1:5, John 14:6).
A representative, but by no means conclusive list of other character traits follows:


Wisdom -- James 1:5


Comfort -- 2 Corinthians 1:3


Truth -- John 8:32


Healer -- 1 Peter 2:24


Strength -- Phil. 4:13


Forgiveness 1 John 1:9


Provider -- Phil. 4:19


Mercy -- Ephesians 2:24


Good -- Matt. 19:17


Peace -- Romans 14:17


AVAILABILITY:
Willing and ready to take over your life. Able to put your life together again. Will bring all of who I AM into your life. Can start now. Will transform your life if you let Me.


SALARY REQUIREMENT:
Work in your life has already been paid for through the blood of My Son, Jesus. Your only responsibility is to commit initially and on a daily basis. To trust and obey what Jesus has done and wants to do in your life.


Other references available upon request.

"Most people stumble over the truth, now and then, but they usually manage to pick themselves up and go on, anyway. " Winston Churchill

_____________________
L. Danyetta Najoli is the author of Unstoppable Confidence: Sustaining a Posture for Success. She is a personal coach, trainer, and frequent guest on the radio talk show, Everyday Cincinnati airing Wednesdays on WAIF 88.3 FM. Contact Danyetta at http://www.danyetta.com/.

How to Care for Yourself While Caring for Others

At any American college graduation, you will hear the term commencement used to largely define the event. This is because the act of graduating from an institution of learning is not the end of learning, but the beginning. Graduates are positively expecting the fruits of their educational labor to pay off with a job or career in their field of study. In their new jobs, they can expect to learn even more through the daily practice of their skills. Commencements are just one example of a transition from an ending and onto a new beginning. Some transitions are easier for us to manage than others. Because we are uniquely designed, each person responds to transitions differently.

Here is a list of transitions:

a close family member dies
You move to a new town
You change jobs
Your son/daughter leaves home
A close friend or family member who is ill depends on you for care
You lose your job or retire
You get married
You take on significant debt
You get divorced or separated
You lose a lot of money at one time
You have ongoing marital problems
You have ongoing sexual problems
You have ongoing trouble with friends or relatives
You have ongoing problems meeting family demands
You have ongoing pressure at work or school
You have ongoing problems with emotional problems
You are constantly facing do-or-die deadlines

Did any of these represent where you are today? Did any of these evoke stressful feelings? Chances are, you became slightly stressed just reading this list of transitions that many people face. It's no surprise that good things can be stressful, such as buying a new house and getting married. Good stress is called eustress. During times of transition, it is vital that you begin caring for yourself. We are creatures of reaction and many times, when faced with a stressful situation, we tend to pour our energy into solving or fixing the problem. This puts a strain on our levels of self-care and we begin to neglect the very vessel needed to handle the problem in the first place.

Covey, in his classic book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, calls this our productivity capacity (PC). He submits that in order for us to have optimal productivity (P), we have to maintain large amounts of PC. In what ways can we increase our productivty capacity? On my website, I refer to these as the "40 Keys to Effortless Living." I developed these keys as general prescriptives designed to focus your attention on engaging in the "important, but not urgent" activites. These keys can also be described as ways to engage in Extreme Self-Care. Since we have morphed into such a fast-paced reactive society, being proactive and thoughtful have managed to slip through our busy fingers. This is why it takes an incredible mental leap for us to accept the notion that it is okay to provide care for ourselves without feeling selfish or self-centered.

What is Extreme Self-Care?

Extreme Self-Care is being ultra intentional and passionate about taking care of yourself for the expressed purposes of, among other things, caring for others. If you have children and you want to be around for a long time, engaging in extreme self-care is one of the surest ways to achieve that goal. If you are in a relationship and you want to thrive, not merely survive, so you can have long lasting friendship with your spouse or significant other, engaging in extreme self-care becomes a natural means to that end. There is a difference between extreme self-care and being extremely selfish. In this next section, we will explore reasons we oftentimes, do not engage in this vital activity.

Reasons Why we Do Not Engage in Extreme-Self Care:

I'm too busy
With our harried lifestyle, we feel rushed so when there is time, there is simply a lack of energy to carry out any level of self-care. What we end up with is wishful thinking.

I feel selfish
This is a common response to people who care for others whether it is an aging parent, a young child, or a person he/she supports. Here is where Covey's productivity/productivity capacity concept is best explained. Think of it like this: you're on an airplane and the flight attendant does his/her presentation. They come to the part where they say in case of an emergency or in the event of a loss of cabin pressure, the oxygen masks will hang down. Here's the key message: If you have a child, please cover yourself first and then the child. This seems to go against every moral fiber in your being because youwant to save your child first and yourself last. Why do you think they would give such an instruction? It's to expand your productivity capacity.

I am not worth it/I don't want to focus on me
This is more an area of self-concept. It is okay to think of yourself as you should but when you think of yourself less than you should, feelings of low self-worth begin to emerge. Spending time with yourself doing things that give you fulfillment is one of the surest ways to care for yourself. We'll talk more about that when we talk about understanding our communication style.


I'm concerned about what others will think
In today's society, there are still some who feel that if we care for ourselves, then we are being self-centered or even conceited. When you care for yourself and benefit from extreme self-care, it is a sign that you want to give those around you the very best version of yourself. This requires a major shift in thinking to move from the stark contrast of thinking you're being self-centered or conceited.

How to Communicate Effectively as a way to Care for yourself:
Many times, conversations are stilted or result in getting no where. The result is more stress and misunderstandings on both parties. In an effort to eliminate stress and its ill effects from your life, you can choose to communicate in such a way that it illcits good feelings:



Benefits of Good Communication
You get to enjoy your relationships
You improve your language, clarify your thought process, and make a good impression to your listeners
People can begin to trust you at your word and depend upon you for an optimal demeanor.


Three Communication Styles
No one person communicates in the exact same way across every situation. A leader may communicate one way to his/her constituents while communicate another way to his/her spouse. A teacher may communicate is an assertive way in the classroom, but may be passive when it comes to his/her friendships or romantic interest. This dynamic is a continuum that I call, "Situational Communication." In much the same fashion as situational leadership, each situation calls for a different set of skills and approaches. Here are the 3 types of communication styles:



Let's define these communication styles in terms of how we view ourselves and the types of relationships we have:


Passive - Thinking less than we should of ourselves, having an inferior thought process resulting in a I lose- you win scenario. There is a scarcity mentality operating here that says, there isn't enough for me.


Assertive - Thinking as we are, having an equal right to be present just as anyone else, resulting in a I win- you win collaborative scenario. There is an abundance mentality that exists in this mode of communication that says, there is enough for everyone.


Aggressive - Thinking more than we should of ourselves, having a superior thought process resulting in an I win- you lose scenario. There is a scarcity mentality operating here that says, there isn't enough for you.


Communication Pitfalls
Sparring
Interrupting
Assuming
Competing Distractions
Rehearsing
Filtering
Judging/Labeling
Me-ism
Advice-giving


Practicing Assertive Communication

Using this easy guide for constructive feedback, you will begin communicating more effectively and assertively:

When you
I feel
Because
PAUSE for discussion
I would like
Because
What do you think?

Beware of expecting 'quick fixes' or overnight results. It takes consistent use of this model to start seeing the results you are seeking. I tried this the other day and didn't get very far because the person became pretty defensive after I followed this comminication guide including having a good tone of voice. But what later followed was a greater sense of self-aware of themselves which translated to improved behavior. As far as I was concerned, I was successful in that I had an opportunity to PRACTICE!! The nice thing about it is that you will probably have plenty of opportunitites to practice.

Top 10 List for Caring for Yourself, While Caring for Others:

Change the way you think about yourself
Develop an inner peace
Identify and seek out resources you need in order to be successful
Design an environment that sustains your growth
Cope with stress
Improve your relationships
Embrace your power to choose
Lighten up and add humor to your life
Affirm who you are
Be gentle with yourself

Practice these one at a time or group some of them together. Find the way that works best for you. Enlist the help of a personal coach or an unbiased friend or coworker to help keep you on track with your goals. Many of my clients spend several months working on one or two areas so they can focus their attention on the most important thing.

Notice I said, important, not urgent.

Many of the important/not-urgent matters get pushed aside or simply get forgotten about
because, nine times out of ten, no one is going to come along side of you to say, "Hi, how's it going with building a solid relationship with your spouse?" or "How's it going with developing patience?" According to Covey, some examples of the important, not urgent things might be:


life planning/designing your best life
career and personal development
relationship building
character building

Urgent, Important:
baby crying
crisis calls
kitchen fires and other emergencies

Urgent, not important:
Interruptions
Distractions
some calls

Not urgent, not important:
Trivia
Busy work
Time wasters

Lots of well wishes as you as you begin your journey to Extreme Self-Care. I'd love to hear your story and how you're doing!